12 Days (Musings) of Christmas
12 – What the heck is the fascination with Christmas lights? My neighborhood looks like a redneck version of the Vegas strip – if that’s possible! This year, red, white, and blue Christmas lights join the mix! Uncle Sam-ta Claus?
11 – I stood out in the cold and darkness for an hour and a half the day after Thanksgiving waiting for an office supply store to open so I could buy cheap electronics that I don’t even need. I still have to send in the rebates and wait until spring before getting any of the real savings sent back to me. Let’s see… 1.5 hours waiting, .5 hours grabbing stuff, 1 hour checking out, 1 hour traveling, 1 hour for rebates, multiplied by $50/hour for my time is $250 that I’d better be saving. Hmm… Not.
10 – Twenty-four hour holiday music radio stations. All the hits you NEVER want to hear. “You’ve just finished listening to Barry Manilow singing Jingle Bell Rock, and Iron Maiden’s version of Silent Night.”
9 – Special holiday episodes. Santa a serial killer – this week’s The Practice!
8 – Buy now – will ship before Christmas! From where, Alpha Centauri???
7 – Santa Claus bell-ringers. Grr… How much change do they think I carry?
6 – Why do people send Christmas cards showing Santa’s butt-crack? Come on! It’s Santa, for crying out loud. Give it a break. Oh yeah, and stop with the anatomically correct snowmen too. I hang up my Christmas cards and I’ve got Jesus on the cross right next to Viagra Snowman and Construction Worker Santa! Not pretty.
5 – People actually wait and see who sends them Christmas cards before they mail out their cards? Fa la la la la… That’s the spirit! Hope they’ve got room for a lot of coal.
4 – Pop Singers redoing Christmas stand-bys. Give me Bing… Frank… Nat… Johnny… Hell, I’ll even take Neil! It’s a little funny hearing Christmas carols by a Jewish guy, but hey… *anything* is better than “A Boy-Band Christmas!”
3 – Pine needles stuck in the carpeting… You fake-tree owners just don’t experience all the true joys of a natural Christmas. Oooo, are those band-aids in my stocking?!?!
2 – I still think the “people” from Whoville are creepy. The Grinch wasn’t exactly Mr. Personality and might have been a little scary looking but at least he had a cool song. People from Whoville, Smurfs, Munchkins, and Oompa Loompas… Very very creepy.
1 – To all the companies who only pay attention to year-end accounting and give people the boot just before Christmas… You know all that coal you’ve been getting year after year? Well, it’s to help you BURN IN YOU-KNOW-WHERE!
Merry Christmas!
(yeah, even you corporate jerks)