Girlfriends, Guys, and Fashion

My girlfriend keeps asking me questions like, “Is this what you mean by a shirt with more cleavage?” and “Do you think this shirt is too dressy to go garage sale’ing?”

C’mon! What do guys really know about fashion? I mean the ones who aren’t gay. Guys like cleavage. If we give you our real opinion and then your girlfriends ask why you are dressed all slutty, we’re going to get in trouble. So, we try and look at it from your point of view. Umm… We can’t. Be honest, you say. Umm… We can’t. Well, yes, we can – we like the lower cut shirts. “But honey I think my tits are showing!” You asked, we answered. What do we know or care about society and fashion? I don’t even wash my jeans for a week or more’s worth of wearings. You know this and *still* ask *me* fashion questions? Alrighty then!

As an aside, it’s obvious a woman invented the nun’s habit. Hello! I don’t care how pious the guy is, or how unattainable the woman. Yeah. Maybe in the sixteenth century or whenever nuns came about all the women were really scabby with black plague or something. That’s the only honest-to-goodness reason I can think a guy would have been involved. Guys know it. Women really know it. I’m just saying it.

So far as being too dressy for garage sales? Wow. This one made me start thinking – and I mean really thinking, not just cartoon pictures with big boobs and impure thoughts about my girlfriend. I’m like, if she’s asking me a question like this, is there something there I should actually be questioning? Is there something I’m missing? You know, like when you were in third grade and your mom sent you to school in K-Mart sale clothes and you looked like a little gay cowboy. That kind of thing where you just didn’t know any better than to even question it. Well, maybe that’s just my example, buy I hope you get the point. Why would she ask a question like that? It was a black, all covering (darn it!) concert t-shirt with “The Beatles” on it in sparkly fake sparkly stuff – but in a pretty way, not cheap. What are people at garage sales expecting? I’d think fat women in curlers wearing dressing gowns that look like Motel 6 drapes and smelling of stale cigarette smoke. Once again, could be me. I havn’t been to a lot of 90210 association garage sales obviously. Anyway, I told her I’d wear that shirt to a fancy restaurant. I think sometimes she finds me sarcastic when I’m being honest – and now I worry clueless. Perhaps I shouldn’t show my face – and fashion – to the outside world. I’m suddenly worried about looking over *my* shoulder for the “What Not to Wear” hidden camera crew.

But I’m a guy and I’m going to risk it. And, I’m going downstairs right now to tell my girlfriend that “The Beatles” shirt is absolutely perfect for whatever we decide to do today – and the only way it could be better was if it showed a little more skin. 😉

addendum – Before I finished writing this post, my girlfriend came back upstairs and changed. White shirt with a zip-up white jacket securing in “the girls”. Hmm, but it *does* have a zipper… he says staring……..