Every year that goes by it seems my electric shaver gets more and more use further away from my beard.
My beard is a little tough anyway, so much that I considered rigging a gas-powered weed-whacker as a substitute shaver – except the handle would hit the shower stall and I’d only finish about half my face. Besides, if the nylon cord in the weed-whacker snapped every time I hit gravel (hey, there are weeds to whack in gravel) then it wouldn’t stand a chance as my shaver – and they just don’t make diamond-tipped steel trimming wheels. Maybe something with kryptonite…
Anyway, this whole thought process started when I had to trim some hair from my auricular areas (get a dictionary you pervs!) this morning and I asked my wife if they did electrolysis on ears (if you missed it, auricular = ears… pay attention).
She said, “If they do it on your pubic area they’ll do it on your ears.”
Pubic areas? I didn’t ask about pubic areas – heck, I didn’t even use the term “auricular” out loud! Besides, I get squirmy when the barber uses the electric shaver to trim my neck!
If I did go for this possibility – on the ears, jeez – it would be my luck to be flying out of country (because, well, that happens so often) and, in the middle of nowhere, my plane would go down and strand me on a desert island. It happened to Tom Hanks in Cast-Away so just play along.
After a couple monthes I’d be nothing but a pile of hair – and two glaring white naked ears.
Anyone stumbling across my little island would be laughing so hard they’d probably forget to rescue me.