Category Archives: Everything Else

Holiday Redneck Police, or More about My Pumpkin-Keeping-Brother Me: Sir, we’ve had reports of December Halloween-Pumpkin-Keeping at this address. Brother Keith: Scott, what are you talking about? Sir? You already wrote about that stupid pumpkin yesterday. Me: Just doing my … Continue reading →

So I go over to my brother’s house. I can see his Christmas tree lights through the window as I pull up. I get out of the car and as I walk up to the porch, with the “Bring on … Continue reading →

You can’t be a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER. – Frank … Continue reading →

While everyone else in the neighborhood is out hanging Christmas lights I’m doing yardwork. They’re all hoping for snow and I’m praying for a few more days of sunshine to dry out the lawn so I can mow one more … Continue reading →

A thousand years from now some archaeologist digging through countless layers of what today is one of our landfills is going to wonder what the heck that red, white, and blue layer was all about… purchase generic cialis cheap viagra … Continue reading →

Thanksgiving – license to eat so much food you feel miserable the rest of the day. Of course, while sitting at the table staring at the remains of three helpings of everything somebody in the background asks, “Anyone for pie?” … Continue reading →

So, the headlights on my car suddenly would not go out. When you’d open the driver’s door the car would start beeping insanely at you – and then the lights would stay on for a good half hour before finally … Continue reading →

The week after Halloween is over there needs to be a bounty on carved pumpkins, jack-o-lantern lights, and those gawd awful orange and black trashbags filled with leaves. Come Thanksgiving-time my neighborhood starts to look like Tim Burton’s Nightmare Before … Continue reading →

Ever notice how “hell” is part of hello and “good” is part of goodbye? For me personally, unless you just don’t like someone, hello’s are good and saying good-bye, well… Saying good-bye is hell.

I had Chinese food for dinner tonight. After the meal, I broke open the fortune cookie but I couldn’t get the fortune out of the center of the broken cookie. Whoever made the fortune cookies had somehow gotten the small … Continue reading →

This log entry powered by Penguin Caffeinated Peppermints (3 = the equivalent of one cola) Driving at night with little sleep, I relied on these babies to get me through. I’m home safe and sound. I’m also actually asleep while … Continue reading →

Two days in a row this week, two different women I work with told me, “Scott, I had a dream with you in it last night.” I stand up a little taller, and ask in an artificially deepened (think dorky … Continue reading →

Every morning when I take my daughter to her daycare there’s a guy with a leaf-blower working the grounds. He’s never actually picking up any leaves… or even piling them anywhere for that matter. He’s always in the same area, … Continue reading →

A friend sent me some information about Topps, you know – the bubble-gum card people (except they don’t include bubble-gum anymore). It seems they have a new line of cards out, “Enduring Freedom Picture Cards” – A NEW SERIES DOCUMENTING … Continue reading →

My friend Jen read the article I wrote yesterday about how I was looking at her artistic t-shirt, and not actually staring at her breasts. She asked me one question – “Did you see the really cool map that was … Continue reading →

Okay, it’s about time someone spoke up about a particular problem in our society. Don’t tune out – I’m not going to bombard you with more information on AIDS, tobbaco company attrocities, or the plight of unwed mothers. These are … Continue reading →

when I go to hell? or (got milk?) when I go to hell I might take some duct tape with me – because I imagine there are a lot of things that need fixing and if I start fixing things … Continue reading →

It started snowing earlier than normal this year. I can only imagine how many calls the health department got. “Oh my GOD! There’s white powder falling from the sky!!! It’s covering the entire city!” *insert Christmas music here – It’s … Continue reading →

Went through the drive thru at Rally’s for a hamburger. While I was waiting at the pick-up window I saw some superhero promotional stickers on the sliding glass window. Cool! I didn’t order the kid’s meal, but I really wanted … Continue reading →

You know when you say a word over and over and over again, how it disassociates from the actual meaning and starts to sound silly? Well, with all the news coverage of Afghanistan, I’ve come up with a top ten … Continue reading →