I woke up this morning and the house was silent. There's a bottle of nail polish sitting on a TV tray downstairs. A pile of clothes sits off to the side of the entertainment center next to a plastic container filled with a rainbow of bracelet making threads. The last change of clothes is still on the bathroom floor where I was lax in having her put her things in the dirty clothes basket. The first morning after summer vacation is always difficult. Everything is still. I do not hear a toilet flushing elsewhere in the house, or the refrigerator door opening, or microwave beeping. The all too familiar sounds of Disney or Nickelodeon did not drift up the stairs to tell me she woke up before I did and let me sleep. I miss the frustration of reminding her to brush her teeth, or to rinse her hair thoroughly in the shower. There are no wardrobe choices on which to make unwanted suggestions. The air is void of her laughter or wry grin after playing a joke on me or just making fun of some bit of silliness. The new teenager frustrations even held their hidden gifts in tiny windows of opportunity to impart a lesson or enjoy the calm together after the storm passed. Everything will go back to routine. My weekend will come and we can sit up again pushing back bedtime sharing the couch watching old episodes of Doctor Who or reality shows about building fish tanks or tree houses. She's still young enough to sit with her head on my shoulder but old enough to share thoughts and observations that tell me my little girl is growing up. I count my blessings that I am not off to war and that we still live in the same state, if not the same city. I will bury the melancholy with work and friends and the phantom sounds of a cough at night from her bedroom will fade back into normal traffic noises and settling walls. There are more summers and so many more good times to come, I know. But today, this first too quiet morning, all of her things spread around the house and her clothes in the dryer waiting to be hung up until she returns, today I am sad for a while.
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hugs
:'(
hugs You are so sweet! My daughter is starting school this year. I am going to cry.
Thanks +Mellie B and +Daniela Huguet Taylor (and all who read and plussed); it is appreciated.
like the shurt
Thanks +Sandra Berkshier and good luck! She'll do great!
Well said Scott, hopefully tomorrow is a little easier..
Awww man. Feel the melancholy…. !
Thanks +Basil Doeringsfeld . It will be… I'm just a little manic about it for a bit. This was the first year to set it to words.
I'm already having days like this. I look at my daughter while she's sleeping and realize that she's four years old, about to enter preschool next month, and I suddenly yearn for the days when she was drooling all over me, couldn't walk, and needed a diaper change every so often. Where does the time go?
That was so beautiful +Scott Cramer I can almost feel your sadness… I know how it hurts…..
This makes me sad but happy too in knowing what a wonderful father you are. Big virtual hugs for now and you know where to find me if you need a distraction xxx
+Matthew D. Berkshier Lots of pictures! But not so many as to not be in the moment and all the action!
Thank you +Anne Allen and +Jo Lane ; very appreciated, truly!
My girls have fathers outside the home. They visit. This makes me wonder if they feel the same sharp pain of loss when they come back home. Somehow, I don't think so.
I've see you with your daughter. The love you have for her is obvious. Her love for you is quite apparent as well. That's a wonderful thing, even if it does hurt.
Here's a Hug for you though, to help ease the hurt. {{{hugs}}}
I'm with you, man. The weekends don't ever seem like enough time. I even get to see my kids just about every day. It gets tough when the house is quiet.
AAAuuhg!!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I hope one day I'll have an awesome short tell to tell about the reminiscence of watching my li'l lady grow to be a little lady.
What is this summer you speak of sir?
HUG! You have the most amazing small (I use this term for child, so thought I best clarify before someone attempts to take it to the gutter) & I bet she is missing you just as much!
How many miles away is she from you Papa C?
That was really quite a beautiful sentiment I felt your sadness and your optimism at the same time.
They grow up so fast, huh?
(hug) — here Summer vacation has started today
+Scott Cramer You had me crying with you. I don't cry.
I'm sorry that you miss her so much, but I'm thrilled that she is loved so dearly. It's a blessing that will nurture her and you for life.
xo~b
+Lacerant Plainer Missed your comment earlier… thank you.
+Kari Tedrick Yeah, there are some Dads out there that I just can't figure out… I don't understand how they could ever feel any other way that sad to be away from their kids. On a happier note, HIRL with 'ya in FL and then Indy was great. 🙂
+Jimmie Clinton Houses with kids are definitely not meant to be quiet! I know if she were here 24/7 and I had a "regular" work day, it'd still be tough. I'm lucky I have the luxury to make the most out of the hours we have.
+Paris Btrnone For sure you will! Start writing stuff down now. Perhaps you will end up with a book to pay off college bills!
+Nikki Cartlidge Ah, no gutter this time… but I reserve the right for a gutter rain check with you. She lives 2.5-3 hour drive away. Not terrible by any means considering what it could be, but definitely not able to see her daily or mid-week without spending half the day driving.
+Allen Simpson Thanks Allen. I did not want to be completely maudlin. I do recognize there is a lot of great and happy time. I was allowing myself to wallow a bit today.
+Maria B-R Oh yes! It seems like lately it has gone to fast forward. I am constantly feeling like I missed something or missed an opportunity or should have done this or that. Guess that is part of life in general too.
+Micha Fire Hm. Perhaps we should relocate quickly! If only! lol
+Brigitte Wooten Apologies and I will send Kleenex if you PM me an address. Honest injun, my friend.
To everyone… thanks for plussing and commenting. Please forward your bills for therapy to me and I shall make good post haste. Sometimes taking the time to squeeze the words out of my brain onto paper or screen is helpful and sharing them validates them and makes it all real. I will endeavor to return to my dorky self now.
Summers are tough. and I will end it there.
moments of reflection and recognition of pain are totally allowed.
<3